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Remaining Full Moons of 2018:
* March 31.
* June 28.
* July 27.
* August 26.
* September 24.
* October 24.
* November 23.
* December 22.

Always Bring Your Own Sunshine.

Who taught you to be small? Who taught you that these cracks are flaws? Who taught you that your light couldn't shine through the fractures & scars? Who taught you to accept what you're given & didn't want? Who told you that any kind of love was better than searching for the one only meant for you? The one that always has been inside yourself.
Their mouths are full of turpentine & cyanide. They'll strip you from all the gold that's feathered to your limbs & leave you unraveled. All pock marked, pink skinned & alablaster boned.
You weren't made to be grounded. You need the fresh air, a belly full of laughter, a heart carrying so much love you feel seams stretching.
Mostly, you need to realize that one by one the population has swelled to billions. Even still, you were hand selected, all beauty & flaws, to never be replicated.
You're the finest art to have ever been created.

Some days I feel everything at once.
Other days, I feel nothing at all.
I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst.

interrupt Anxiety with Gratitude.

Anxiety isn't that bad.
Yes, it is.
Anxiety makes you sit there & overthink everything. Everything.
At times, it makes you think people in your life are leaving you.
You begin to feel abandoned, and not worth anything because the most important person/people in your life don't want you.
So you push away the fear for being hurt.
You push them away so they can't discard you or leave you.
When in reality, nobody was ever leaving.
Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love.
It sucks.

Social Anxiety:
You know how you said your friend said they're busy & can't hang out this weekend?
What if, and HEAR ME OUT ON THIS, what if they're trying to tell you politely they don't like you anymore?
Just a thought.

4 Agreements.

1.) Be Impeccable with Your Word:
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth & love.

2.) Don't Take Anything Personally:
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say & do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you're immune to the opinions of others, you won't be a victim of needless suffering.

3.) Don't Make Assumptions:
Find the courage to ask questions & to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness & drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4.) Always Do Your Best:
Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It'll be different when you're healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best. You will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse & self-regret.

#1 Rule:
Never get so attached that you accept disrespect, used, lied to or cheated on.


Monday: Be Different, Babe.

To Protect Your Energy:
It's okay to cancel a commitment.
It's okay to not answer a call.
It's okay to change your mind.
It's okay to wanna be alone.
It's okay to take a day off.
It's okay to do nothing.
It's okay to speak up.
It's okay to let go.
Live by the sun. Love by the moon.

Sometimes I think of the sun & moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase & almost always miss one another.
Once in a while, they do catch up, they kiss & the world stares in the awe of their eclipse.

New day.
New week.
New goals.
-- Eat glitter for breakfast & shine all day.

Life Isn't Always Rainbows & Butterflies.

This is life: it is what it is.
Shit's gonna happen. It's gonna get complicated.
We're gonna relapse.
We're gonna be weak: we're gonna be strong.
We're gonna lose our shit & yell at people to get the fuck out of our lives.
We're gonna break down & beg people to stay in our lives.
Some days we're gonna feel everything at once.
Other days, we're gonna feel nothing at all.
We're gonna be in some bad spaces, we're gonna be in some amazing ones.
We're gonna get on our knees crying, hurting & begging for help.
We're gonna get on our knees, pray & say thank you.
We're gonna have moments when we're gonna know exactly what we want & we're sure.
We're gonna have moments when we legit have no fucking clue what we want & we're confused.
This life shit isn't a movie.
I think sometimes we forget that.

You Can Change the World: Nevermore.

(won.der.wall.: adj.)

Someone you find yourself thinking about all the time: someone you're infaturated with.


The light of the moon as it shines upon the water.

Type of Person:
Liquid Galaxies:

They have a deep love of fuzzy blankets, they just wanna cuddle & watch good movies.
Has a soft spot for animals & loves hot cocoa.
Will sit with you until 4 in the morning just talking about the meaning of life.
Thinks about the infinitiness of the world a lot.
Listens to Lofi study playlists on YouTube, you know the ones.
Constantly trying to be a better person.
Grateful for the little things in life.
Just wants to walk someone. An Intellectual.
They just wanna read more than they do.
They don't wanna just hug you: they wanna hold you tight & make you feel a little less alone in the world.

Sunday: Sunday Fun Day. Lazy or busy.
Coffee: I'll take coffee with my sunshine.

It's a little after 11a on a Sunday in Pittsburgh.
Sundays, Sundays are for fun & coffee with the possibility of getting nothing accomplished, or getting everything accomplished. You choose.
I've been staying with my dad since Saturday night since my mom is out of town. We're going home today at some point cuz Carlisle has Infant Story Time at 11a tomorrow at the library. We went last week & actually enjoyed ourselves. I feel bad for signing him up before but never had the chance to go. Last week & tomorrow, we have the chance. We're just gonna go.
Carlisle did sleep better tonight. I gave him a warm bath, put some eczema stuff on his head & gave him some of his oral itch stuff to help him not scratch so much. He woke up once about a half an hour after I put him down, so I held him a few minutes & then he slept from about 10:15 last night until about 4 when he woke up wanting to eat. I think he's going through his 6 month sleep regression on top of his eczema being itchy & bothering him. He's going back into his new bed tonight, so hopefully tonight's better as well.
Today I'm gonna take him to see my Grandpap for a while. I'm looking forward to it as we haven't seen him since Christmas time & my Grandpap has had the flu. He's always coming to us, so today we're gonna go to him for once. I'm excited.
Today's high is 52 & plenty of sunshine. Yay! It's gonna be in the 40s all week, but still cold at night. At least it slowly getting warmer.

Pittsburgh: 3:00a.

you can't sleep, open your window or step outside your house. Feel the crisp air on your skin. Take a deep breath & watch as you create clouds when you breathe out. Look at the dark blue sky that sits over your head & marvel over how beautiful it is. Try to find the moon & the stars that guard the night sky. Whisper all your uncertainties to the universe, it's okay if you let the stars carry the weight of your worries for a while.
When it's 3am & you can't sleep, make a cup of tea, grab a pen & paper & write all the things you wish you wcould say in the form a of a letter & address them to the peaople you wish you had the courage to tell. When you're all done, seal them in an envelope, keep them in the top drawer of your bedside table. Maybe one day you'll show them the words you wrote fobut for now, it's out in the world & that's all that matters now.
When you start to shiver, step back inside.
When your hand starts to cramp, stop writing.
When you crawl back in bed & try to sleep, I will hope you feel better.

Fade Away & Radiate.

One of the most bittersweet moments you’ll ever have is when you realize how much you’re gonna miss a moment when you’re still living it.

Night is purer than day; it’s better for thinking, loving & dreaming.
At night, everything is more intense, true.
The echo of words that have been spoken during the day takes on a new, deeper meaning.

It’s about 10:45 on a Saturday night in Pittsburgh.
Today’s weather was partly sunny & in the 40s.
(Just warm up already!!)
I’m staying with my dad until tomorrow as my mom is out of town until Monday. I was gonna stay until then, but I wanna get Carlisle to Infant Story Time again at the library by my house, which is half an hour away & starts at 11a.
Carlisle finally got a crib & into his own room. Tuesday night he did good sleeping in there during the night & I stayed on the floor beside his bed. Wednesday he had 2 successful naps & slept all night. Thursday night, however, he was up off & on until 1a. Last night we got to my parents’s late & he was awake off & on until after 2a. Sleep regression? Teething? Wanting me to hold him vs being in bed? Tonight seems to be better so far. Hopefully it stays that way.
How’s your weekend going? Mines been good so far.
I’m back to looking for a job. Ugh! It’s such a freaking headache & a pain.
There was a radio station I used to listen to that was an hour away from where I used to live. It switched names & it simply just wasn’t the same. Why am I thinking if that? No idea. It just randomly popped in my head.

I’m on Dreamwidth.org: feel free to look me up & add me under celestialxstorm.

Saturday Night: 7:30p.

Stop Worrying.
Stop worrying about the things that aren't worth the energy you put into staying angry.
Take a shower.
Take 5 showers.
Hell, take 10 showers if you want to.

Stay in bed all day & do nothing.
Watch shitty romantic movies & cry your heart it.
Stay outside all day.
Wake up in the morning with the determination to fall in love with your city all over again.
Find quiet cafes & independent bookstores that you've never come across before.
Pretend you're a tourist & take photographs.
Stay out all night.
Do things.
Take care of yourself.

Before sleeping, 90% of your brain begins to imagine the stuff you would love to happen to you.
Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

Every Morning You Have Two Choices:
* Continue to sleep with your dreams.
* Or wake up & chase them.

I hope I never get tired of the night sky, thunderstorms, watching cream make galaxies in my coffee.
I hope I never grow into someone who can never again see the small things in life.